Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
