Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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