belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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