Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
