I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
