Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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