You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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