I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
