When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
