THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
