Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
