My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
