I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
