Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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