Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
