Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
