I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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