when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
