Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
