at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
