the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
