Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
