Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize