dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
