how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
