i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
