All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
