You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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