Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize