no, he came in my armpit
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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