his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
