Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
