I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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