I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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