I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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