I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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