I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize