So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize