She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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