ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
