there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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