I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
