everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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