Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize