Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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