If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Randomize