we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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