I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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