I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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