She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize