Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
