Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize