oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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