There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
