Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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