i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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