Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
