so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
