You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
