we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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