Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
