1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
