Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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