you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
