whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
