Whod you bang
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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