I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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