I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
