youre lurking in front of me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
