My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize