the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize