You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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