Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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