Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
