we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
