she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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