Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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