just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
as a side note pls kill me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
