Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
