Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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