she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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