the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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