Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
