I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
