I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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