WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
