Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
