I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
