Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
