I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
