last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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