I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
