I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
