walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
