I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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