So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
