I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
